Guardian Devils
by Traykor
Summary: Nagi and Tot have a date at Tokyo Disneyland-too bad Schuldig and Farfarello are along to chaperone. What are Omi and Ken doing there? Shounen Ai


Guardian Devils  
Traykor  
Weiss belongs to Koyasu and others. I just play with them.  
Pairings: Nagi+Tot, Omi+Ken, and a hint of Schu+Farf  
This is a TWT sillyfic-really an excuse to have Farfie rampage through Disneyland with no blood, and write a clueless Ken. Don't look for seriousness, it isn't here. Spew warning, put down the drinks.  
  
****  
Nagi looked around the room, carefully checking behind all the doors and in each corner before picking up the phone and placing his call. If he could have, he would have left the house to make the call, but Brad got snippy when they went off without permission.  
"Hello? It's me. Meet me at the teacups ride at two p.m. tomorrow, okay? I have to go." Just as he placed the phone down, a hand landed on his shoulder. Nagi stiffened as a sultry voice purred in his ear. "Teacups? Would that be a date? At Disneyland? Maybe someone should come along to chaperon." Nagi's eyes narrowed.  
"No." The glasses on the counter began to rattle a bit. Schuldig wisely backed off.   
"Now, now, no need to get testy. Disneyland sounds like fun, and I think I could use a break." He headed for the door, then stopped and considered for a moment. "I wonder if I can get Farfie to come?" Then he winked at Nagi and quickly left, still managing to saunter at the same time. The teenager sunk his head into his hands and sighed. Maybe Farfarello wouldn't want to come.  
*************************************************************  
The next day, the leaves, the flowers and most small objects within a five-foot radius of Nagi were swirling slightly. For once the Japanese teen was not wearing his school uniform, choosing instead a plain T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Nagi was pouting while he waited by the car for Schuldig and Farfarello. Farfarello emerged from the house in his usual attire, dog collar and leather straps accenting the vest and pants. He stopped next to Nagi and leaned down.  
"Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Happiness helps God." He gazed intently at Nagi with his single eye and hopped over the side of the convertable. Nagi continued to pout, and the wind picking up slightly before he got into the car himself. Schuldig slid into the driver's seat, grinning broadly and adjusting the mirrors. Farfarello turned to look at him.  
"I wanna drive."  
"NO!" Shouted both Nagi and Schuldig.  
"You never let me drive."  
"Self preservation" Nagi muttered under his breath. Crawford chose that moment to appear next to the car. He leaned down to glare at Schuldig and Farfarello.  
"I'm going to the bar. If you break anything that can be traced back to us, you're both dead." He straightened and turned to leave, then called over his shoulder, "And Farfarello-just for today, you may not kill anything." Farfarello crossed his arms and did a fine imitation of Nagi's pout. Schuldig grinned broadly at him.  
"The frightened screams of children are just as painful to God, and they don't leave any blood to clean up." Farfarello brightened up at that and started to laugh in his usual psychotic manner. Nagi sunk down into his seat and contemplated how he was going to ditch the De Sade twins.  
*************************************************************  
Once at the park, Schuldig quickly found a close parking place by ensuring that no one else saw it, and convincing the one car ahead of them that they suddenly had somewhere else to be. The ticket line was uneventful, if one didn't count Farfarello sinking to the eye level of every child he saw to see if he could make them cry just by staring at them. Most of the time it worked. Upon entering the brightly colored and impossibly clean main street, Farfie immediately headed for the nearest merchandise store. Not willing to leave him alone just yet, the other two followed. A half an hour later they emerged with new hats. Farfarello was wearing Mickey Mouse ears, Schuldig had the Minnie Mouse version, and Nagi was sporting a Goofey hat and an even sulkier look than before. Farfarello glared at him when he tried to take it off. Each had their names stitched onto the hat.  
Farfarello then insisted on trying out the rides, and they soon found one that had a relatively short line. Schuldig stared up at the sign, one hand on his hip. "It's a Small World?"  
About four minutes later, the screaming began. The people in line and the attendants cringed as the frightened cries echoed out from the waterway of the ride. Several boats entered empty, as no one was willing to get on.  
At the other end of the ride, the three Schwartz members emerged a few minutes later. Schuldig sauntered out looking very pleased with himself. Nagi trudged behind him, his head in his hands, glowing slightly from the mental effort of carrying the laughing madman he was currently levitating out of the ride. Farfarello was wearing a maniacal grin and clutching the heads of two of the animatronic dolls that populated the ride.  
"I wanna go again!" He declared, then started singing "it's a cruel world after all, it's a cruel world after all...". Nagi bounced him a few times, then bounced him a few more because it made him feel better. Besides, it wasn't as if Farfarello would feel it anyway. He decided to give up on thinking of ways to slip off unnoticed and just use his usual amount of tact.  
"I'm leaving now. If you follow me, you'll end up in a tree." Nagi attempted to stare down Schuldig. It didn't work, as Schuldig just stared back and slung an arm around Nagi's shoulder.  
"Leave the hat on and you've got a deal. I'll know if you take it off, and send him on you're next ride." He pointed at Farfarello who was sitting on the ground still singing and trying to juggle the heads. Nagi sighed in defeat and headed for the teacups.  
********************************************************  
Within a few minutes he was by the cups, waiting impatiently. Every so often he would spin them a little faster, just to hear the reactions. He was a member of Shwartz after all. A flash of blue, a peal of insane laughter, and Nagi's heart fluttered. It was Tot. He blushed as she ran up to him, wearing something very frilly and pink. He stammered something about how pretty she looked, and she giggled. She reached up and tugged at one of the hat's floppy ears.  
"Kawaii! It even has your name on it." She giggled again. Nagi blushed an even deeper shade of red.  
"Um, where do you want to go next?" He stammered out, trying to control his emotions. //isn't that just the sweetest thing ever// the mind-voice echoed in his head. //Go away Schu// Nagi's own mind-voice snapped  
//Don't be rude Kid, I have something to tell you.//  
//Shut up Schu!//  
//Fine, but your going to regret not listening//. During the mental conversation Nagi and Tot had been walking. Tot spotted the Haunted House up ahead before they had gone too far.  
"Let's go in there!" She squeaked. Nagi forgot all about redhead busybodies and happily followed the perky girl.   
The line passed fairly quickly, and soon Nagi and his blue haired companion were seated in one of the cars, travelling trough the mock graveyard while holographic ghosts popped out at them. The screams coming from up ahead, however, sounded just a tad too loud to be caused by robots and light tricks. As they rounded a corner, Nagi saw why.  
Farfarello was in one of the fake trees, swiping at the hologram before him, which, incidentally, also meant he was swiping at the riders. He was yipping with glee as his hand passed through the ghost and narrowly missed someone's face. Somewhere he had found some string, and the two heads from "It's a Small World" were tied to his waist by the bars that came out of their necks. Nagi sighed as they reached the place Farfarello was, knowing that 'Farfie's in the Haunted House' was probably what Schu had planned on telling him. The madman made a swipe at Tot, who hit him on the head with her umbrella.  
"Don't do that, Tot, he likes it." Nagi sighed again as Farfarello jumped onto their car and peered over the top at them.  
"Screams hurt God!" The one eyed lunatic declared in all seriousness. Nagi looked up at Farfarello, who Tot was continuing to hit on the head with her umbrella. Farfie barely registered it. The pale haired man was staring at them, his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth like a rabid dog. Nagi noticed where the ride was headed and smirked at Farfarello.  
"Look up." Curious, Farfarello straightened-and smacked into the top of the next room they were entering, knocking him off the car with a crunch. Tot giggled and hugged Nagi's arm, which caused a deep blush to creep up on the telekinetic's face. He forgot all about Farfarello as they headed for the next ride.  
Which turned out to be a mistake, as Farfarello had somehow beat them there. The concept of waiting in line was not one that could pierce the thick mass of broken glass and jelly that Farfie used as a brain-not without Schuldig there to bang it in with a 2X4. So, when Nagi and Tot's boat rounded a corner in the Pirates of the Caribbean, they were once again greeted by screams of terror that could only be caused by some unmatched horror performing acts that would make a lord of darkness blush. In short, Farfarello was having fun. This time he was perched at the top of the bridge overlooking the ride, cutting long scars into the faces of the pirates, and singing-in falsetto English, off key of course. Nagi frowned, space rippled slightly, and Farfarello suddenly found himself taking a bath in the water. The young telekinetic ignored the sounds of terror behind him as Farfarello commandeered a boat of his own. //Schu? If security catches him, Crawford will know, and them he'll break us all. If Crawford gets mad at me because you insisted on bringing the pet lunatic, I'm putting up nude pics of you on the internet.//  
//You say that like it's a threat.// Schuldig's mind voice was smug.  
//In bed, with Takatori// Nagi's mind voice was quiet and frank.  
//Just as sadistic as the rest of us. I'm so proud.//  
//shut up// Nagi's conversation with the mind warped mind warper was interrupted once again by another less than stable personality, but since it was Tot, he didn't mind. The blue haired girl had been leading him away from the ride and towards yet another. He decided that heading for one a bit farther away might be wise, and lead her back to the front of the park. Nagi fervently hoped that the dunking had slowed Farfarello down at least a little.  
No such luck, as once again the yellow eyed terror had somehow managed to beat them into the ride. Nagi did not want to know how Farfarello knew where they were going to be, but he bet the reason was tall and red haired. Thankfully, Disney was not cheap in paying the welders, because otherwise there was no way that the rafters meant to hold animatronic birds could support the weight of a five-foot something psychotic. Farfarello was doing his best monkey impression, swinging upside down from the poor creaking rafters. The long skewer he used as a knife was currently making shish kebobs out of several of the brightly colored fake birds. Then the music started.   
It almost drowned out the screams of the crowd in the room as the carpet-chewing madman turned to chewing the ceiling-or at least the fake birds. One long swing had enabled him to catch a poor metal creation in his mouth, the head popping off and covering his mouth in feathers. He spit it out, hitting Nagi square in the head, and yipped at him for good measure.  
Nagi had had enough.  
Glowing blue, his fists tightly clenched, Nagi seethed. Every bird in the room exploded, and the parts all headed straight for Farfarello, knocking him to the floor. By this point the room was empty save for Nagi, Tot and Farfarello. The attendants had decided that discretion was the better part of valor and run off to leave the danger to those getting paid for it.   
Tot clapped her hands and squealed, "Big Boom!" Farfarello collapsed on the floor, slightly dazed, and went back to singing an odd mix of "It's a Small World" and "Pirates of the Caribbean". It was then that they noticed Schuldig, leaning against the wall and laughing his head off. He was clutching his chest with the strength of his mirth.   
"Oh, that was priceless!" He snickered, once he had some breath. Farfarello was still gazing up at the ceiling, his one heavy lidded eye far too bright.  
"Big Boom," He echoed, almost reverently. Everyone paused to look at him. Nagi glared at the universe in general.  
//Schu? We are going. If he is on another ride with us for the rest of the day, you will get to experience the view of Disneyland from the top of the Fairy Castle.//  
//Sa, sa, calm down kid. Don't you want a little excitement on your date?// He brushed at the multicolored feathers that had come to rest on Nagi and everything else in the room. //Don't ruffle your feathers.// Nagi's eyes narrowed.  
"Don't push it, Jerk."  
//Noisy// put in Farfarello. Schuldig rolled his eyes and hauled the scarred one up.  
"Let's go find something else to do, and leave the little kids to their date." Tot whapped him one on the head, just because.  
As the older two were leaving, Farfarello spotted an overgrown Mickey Mouse headed for his turn getting hugged and flash blinded. Farfarello whooped, and the unsuspecting costume wearer never stood a chance. He was grabbed by the neck and hauled into a nearby, conveniently placed, empty bathroom, knocked unconscious, tied up, and stripped. Schuldig smoked outside until the same Mickey Mouse costume reappeared, yipping.  
"What did you do with the guy?" He asked.  
"He's alive. Supply closet." Mickey Farfie lumbered off in the direction of Toontown. Schuldig shook his head and followed //This could be interesting//. Mickey Mouse yipped again, and went to put the fear of God and Disney into some unsuspecting innocents.  
A slightly frazzled Nagi led Tot in the opposite direction, trying to get as far away from the Enchanted Tiki Room as possible. They ended up in another long line, this time at Splash Mountain. Nagi was so distracted by that point; he didn't notice the pair in front of them until one gasped.  
"Shwartz?" Nagi looked up and frowned.  
"Weiss?" Omi and Ken blinked nervously at the couple behind them.  
"Why are you here?" Ken demanded. The youngest Shwartz member was not having a good day.  
"That's not of any concern to you!" He snapped. As an after thought he added, "What are you doing here?"  
"None of your business!" Omi and Ken chorused together. Omi considered for a moment, looking back and forth between Nagi and Tot. "Are you two on a date?" Nagi sputtered, cheeks blazing and head down. Tot looked at him funny, then smiled vapidly, "Yes!" Nagi's face found some blood that wasn't there yet and put it to use.  
Ken found this vastly amusing. "You're blushing," he laughed. Omi giggled. Nagi's eyes snapped up, causing Omi to eep and hide behind Ken. "Don't get upset!" Ken added quickly.  
By this point they had reached the front of the line, and ended up in the same car. Each group tried to ignore the other as they enjoyed the ride. The water acted a tad strange however-Nagi and Tot stayed mostly dry, while Omi and Ken were soaked by a particularly large wave.  
As they emerged, Nagi noticed Schuldig standing off to the side. He was eyeing Omi and Ken, a sly grin on his face. The two Weiss members were busy wringing the water out of their sopping shirts and glaring suspiciously at Nagi and thus did not notice him.  
//where's the freak?// Nagi asked, carefully not looking at the German, //did you leave him alone?//  
//He's occupied// Schu grinned even wider. //The little kittens are in love.//  
//WHAT?//  
Schuldig snickered. //Dart boy has a crush on claw boy, and is trying to get his attention. Claw boy likes him, but neither of them knows that yet.// Schuldig considered for a moment. //Hey Nagi, I've got an idea.//  
//No.//  
//You don't even know what it is yet.// Schuldig was needling him, and Nagi knew it.  
//Sure I do. As much fun as messing with Weiss is, I'm trying to enjoy my date. Besides, Brad will kill us.// Nagi was not about to get suckered into one of Schuldig's schemes. Farfarello might always go along with them, but he was stark raving and immune to pain.  
//Naww, I'm not gonna hurt them. In fact, I'd be doing them a favor getting them together. I'm such a nice guy.//  
//That doesn't work on me. You just want to mess with them.//  
//So? You gonna help?// Schuldig smirked at Nagi, who was steering Tot away from him. Omi and Ken had wandered off together. Nagi considered if he really wanted to get involved in this.  
//What do I get out of it?//  
//Umm, I'll promise your next two dates will be unaccompanied.//  
//Make it three, and you have a deal.// Nagi was smirking himself now. Turning to follow the two Weiss boys, they set to plotting.  
  
Two sets of eyes watched as Omi perked at the sight of the Peter Pan ride. The genki flower boy turned a wide-eyed gaze at Ken, knowing that the older assassin had all the willpower of a fangirl at a con when faced with overwhelming cuteness-that was how he had gotten him to come here in the first place. Ken followed Omi into the ride, putting up the token protest of 'this is a kid's ride'. Nagi and Tot followed, this time staying back some to keep out of sight. By the time the latter two boarded their flying boat, the others were already halfway through the ride. Nagi concentrated on the track above them, and with a spark and a sputter the ride ground to a halt. The emergency lights came on in a matter of seconds, then went off just as quickly. No one noticed the tall redhead standing near the circuit breakers, all of which had mysteriously been tripped.  
"Please remain seated in the ride. A technician will arrive shortly. Please do not attempt to raise the restraining bar. We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please do not attempt to leave the ride." The calm voice echoed out of the loudspeakers, then repeated the same message in multiple other languages.  
Ken and Omi sat next to each other in the dark, each trying to come up with a topic of conversation. Well, Ken was trying to come up with something. Omi was clutching Ken's arm, and thoroughly enjoying getting away with it. Ken, meanwhile, was having an odd conversation with himself. This was nothing new, so he didn't think much of it until the topic took a sharp turn out of his normal territory.  
/Omi's really cute./  
/Cute?! Where did that come from?/ Ken peered at Omi through the darkness, noticing how close his face was. He also noticed Omi was curled around his arm-said arm suddenly felt significantly warmer.  
/He's cute curled up with me. I wanna kiss him./  
/What?!/ Ken shook his head to try and rattle out the weird voice saying these things, causing Omi to look up at him in concern.  
/Aww, he's so adorable. All sweet and innocent and ready to be ravished./  
Ken practically jumped away from Omi. Ravished, ravished? Omi and ravished did not belong together, not in his head or anyone else's. Ravished was a Yohji word, not a Ken word, this was so not the sort of thing he should be thinking.  
/Sigh/  
/Wait a minute. If Nagi's around then maybe...You, Shwartz mutt, outta my head. Go get your cheap thrills with your white haired freak./ Ken paused for a moment at the frightening possibilities that that suddenly presented themselves to him. /Oh no, I hope that monstrosity is not here too. I do not want to deal with him./  
/relax kitten. Farf found something fun to do./  
/That is NOT comforting, you @#%$./  
/My such nice language! And it wasn't meant to be./ Ken could hear the smug grin in the German's mind-voice. Omi was shaking Ken slightly, now looking very concerned.  
"Ken-kun? Are you okay? You went all stiff and aren't paying attention to anything."  
Ken laughed nervously. "I'm fine Omi. I just want to get out of this ride." /So I can go kick a certain someone till his ugly coat matches Aya's hair./  
/That was rude. I like this coat./  
/Go Away!/ About that time the ride started up again. It lurched heavily, throwing Omi almost into Ken's lap. Ken blushed at the mental images that sprang to mind.  
/I'm going to kill that guy./ A snickering voice responded.  
/Those had nothing to do with me, kid. That was your mind./ Ken swore mentally at the German.  
Schuldig switched his concentration to Nagi. /That was fast. What happened to keeping the ride stopped?/ Schuldig could feel the embarrassment rolling off of the boy.  
/I was...um...I was occupied./ Nagi attempted to shield his thoughts from Schuldig.  
/We were not doing this so you could make out with Miss Bunny Death./  
/What's this 'we'. I am doing this so I can have a proper date./ He curled his arm around Tot. She snuggled into the embrace.  
/You have no sense of team spirit/ Schuldig tried to sound chiding.  
/You're assuming I care./ Nagi leaned back in his seat as their boat reached the end of the ride. /By the way, how did it go with the flower boys?/  
/I had no idea kittens could swear so well, but I think things are headed the direction I wanted./ Schuldig pressed himself farther into the shadow he had been hiding in. By this point Ken and Omi had left the ride themselves, and were passing by. Ken was looking around, frantically searching the area. He was also putting Omi's suspenders to their intended use-as a handle by which to drag him along. Omi tried to unclasp the one hand that was firmly attached to said suspenders, unable to get out more than a few plaintive 'mou's and cries of 'Ken-kun?' since Ken was not listening to him. After a few minute of searching, Ken dragged Omi away from the ride, still holding the suspenders.  
Omi finally planted his feet, and refused to move.  
"Mou, Ken-kun what is wrong? You act like something is after us."  
Ken continued to look around. "Someone might be."  
"Ken-kun?" It was then that Ken's kid radar noticed the strange surroundings. All around them were small children walking away from one direction, crying. Their parents were escorting them, murmuring reassurances. Ken immediately headed through the crowd in the direction the children came from. Omi followed behind, now thankful Ken had let go of the suspenders.  
Before them stood the overgrown cartoonish house that proclaimed "Meet Mickey" on the sign in front. The children crowded around it were mostly in tears, and right in the middle of all of it was the large Mickey Mouse suit-yipping and leaning down to whisper in the children's ears. Ken froze. That yip, he would know it anywhere. He heard that sound in his nightmares. Clenching his fists and wishing for a weapon, Ken prepared to defend the poor, helpless children from the scary bad guy. He had just started forward when a long hand clamped down on his shoulder.  
"Hold on Kitten, you wouldn't want to make a scene, would you?" Ken turned his head to glare at Schuldig, and noticed the telepath also had Omi by the arm. "He's not your concern right now, I'll handle him."  
"You better." Ken growled out. Schuldig let go and sauntered over to Mickey Farfie.  
"Time to go home," he said as he pushed the kids out of the way, turning the sign on the house from 'open' to 'closed'. Schuldig took Mickey Farfie by the arm and lead him off to the side, away from the sight of the crowd. Ken and Omi followed, not about to let them out of sight. Farfarello removed the giant head and regarded Schuldig with his one eye.  
"I don't want to leave." Schuldig sighed.  
"We have to leave. Security is on its way-they finally found the guy who should be in that suit. They've been slow and unresponsive so far, but I don't think we should push our luck." Farfarello pouted at him. Schuldig found this vastly amusing. "We'll come back sometime." At that, Farfarello let the suit drop off of his lanky frame. He still had the heads from "It's A Small World" tied to his belt. Omi and Ken decided not to ask. Nagi watched the entire scene from the side. "I wonder what has been keeping security all this time? I thought they were usually faster than this. There are certainly enough cameras around they should have been looking for him ever since the Haunted House."  
Tot giggled beside him and wrapped her arms around his elbow.  
"Security guards are no fun. They try to ruin Tot's date. Tot makes sure they're too busy." Nagi looked at Tot, surprised. "What did you do to the guards? Tot? Tot?" She smiled and started to drag him off.  
"Let's go to dinner! Tot wants to eat at a nice place!" Nagi protested feebly, but let himself be lead away. Schuldig grinned after them.  
"Nagi, don't do anything I wouldn't do!" He waved at the retreating form.  
CLUNK  
SPLOOSH  
"Ow! Eww!" Schuldig wiped ineffectively where the soda dripped down his hair from the cup that Nagi had thrown at him-from behind. "Damn telekinetic powers." Omi and Ken laughed, while Farfarello reached up and ran his hand through Schuldig's hair, then licked his fingers.  
"Mmm, cherry." Schuldig gave him a dirty look, then turned to the Weiss duo. He sauntered menacingly up to them, causing them to back up, and in a flash was behind them, his arms around their shoulders.  
"Enjoy the rest of your date, Kittens. You really ought to stop denying yourselves and just jump each other. It's so much more fun. And Ken here has plenty of ideas on what to do with a cute boy." Ken stared at him in stunned silence, before recovering enough to start to protest. He was brought up short by the wide, bright eyes that gazed up at him. "Ken-kun?"  
"Um, Omi, I can explain." Schuldig smirked, goosed them both-eliciting identical shouts of "hey!", and slunk off, followed by Farfarello. Omi turned to Ken.  
"You can explain at home. I want to leave now."  
"I think we better, before anyone else shows up." Ken then remembered that they had come on his bike. He groaned at the thought of the ride back with Omi holding onto him from behind.  
"Ken-kun? Are you okay?" Ken flushed an interesting shade of red.  
"Fine! I'm fine, we're going home now."  
"Ken-kun..." Ken strode out of the park, Omi close at his heels. The older boy didn't see the calculating smirk on the younger boy's face.  
  
Epilogue:  
  
Aya and Yohji sat in the flower shop, enjoying the lull in customers. Ken and Omi came in, Ken rushing through the shop at a speed just short of a run. He didn't even acknowledge the other two as he headed out the back. Omi was following at his heels.  
"Ken-kun, what exactly did he mean? I think I'd like to hear that explanation right now." Omi tried to sound serious and confused, but he was smiling behind Ken's back. The other two noticed. Ken blushed, turned, stammered something unintelligible, and then looked at the older two over Omi's head. Yohji raised one eyebrow at him.  
"I'll explain it upstairs, in my room." Ken turned several more bright shades of red, then pushed Omi out the door in front of him. He cast one last embarrassed look at Yohji and Aya before following. Yohji's other eyebrow joined its brother, then he laughed, his face relaxing into an indulgent smile.  
He turned to face Aya, smirked, raised one eyebrow again, and held his hand out.  
Aya grumbled, dug out his wallet, and handed over a 5,000 yen note. 


End file.
